Not what I expected

This week at lovely BYU, the Women's Services and Resources center (to find out more, click HERE) has had an event called LYFE (Leading Yourself into Future Endeavors) which is centered on helping women to discover the importance of finishing their education, learning about women in the workplace, and how to balance life with schooling, a career, marriage and children.

A bit of background: I am planning after completing my bachelor's degree to move on to graduate studies to complete a master's in Physician's Assistant Studies.  I love school and learning and I love to be busy and working.  However, I also hope one day to get married and to be a Mom.  So now, we come to what for me, as a young LDS single woman, is a problem.  I feel I am caught between two differing opinions that both mean something to me.  On one hand, I feel I should focus on my career and not worry about whether or not I get married.  On the other, I want to be a mom and worry I couldn't possibly be a good Mom if I chose to work at the same time

Now, those are just abstract ideas that look a lot dumber on paper than they do in my mind, haha. ( or I guess online than in my head? oh well) Plus, when I look at actual people that I love, things are NEVER so black and white.  First, I would like to talk about my good friend named Jessica.

Jessica is amazing.  She is a fashion designer, hair dresser, sweetheart, return missionary and just a gem of a person.  However, life has not been easy for Jessica.  I won't get into details (they aren't mine to share), but I can say that she has never allowed any setback to prevent her from going after her dreams.  She does not have children at the moment, but she is married to a wonderful man who supports her desires to work and have a career.  And on top of those things, she is a fabulous wife.  Will Jessica have kids some day?  Probably.  Will that affect her career or her goals? Possibly.  But I truly feel the two most important things when trying to figure how to balance family and work, for men and women, are to 1. be willing to be flexible and 2. to always do what is best for you and your family, no matter what other people tell you to do.




Now, I'd like to tell you about another Jessica, but this Jessica is my sister and one of my greatest heroes.

She is married with three beautiful girls whom I love dearly.  She is a wife, mother, harp performer, college graduate, pianist, she is so creative and she is one of the kindest, gentlest, most empathetic people I know.  Jessica ADORES being a mom, and she truly is amazing at it.  She shows me the beauty, joy, difficulty and everything in between that is associated with Motherhood.  But she still uses her education and skills for all sorts of things, including teaching music classes to children or participating in a local symphony.


Finally, this post would not be complete if I did not mention my mother, probably a perfect combination of both these incredible women.  She is the reason I want so badly to be a mom and to be at home with them.  She made my childhood incredible and has been the biggest influence on my life.  She has always encouraged my dreams and has always told me that I could achieve them, no matter how crazy, long-term, or out of the blue.  She ALWAYS believes in me.  And I love her so much.  She too is a college graduate, interior and fashion designer, artist, mother, musician, tennis player, and homemaker.  As a young mother, she worked hard (for pay.  Being a mother IS work, just not paid monetarily, haha) to help my Dad through medical school.  She volunteers, participates in a traveling choir, and makes THE BEST cookies, in any category. Though she chose not to have a long-term career, she has never been "just" a stay-at-home mom.

What does this über long post boil down to, you ask????
Let me share a short story that I heard today from one of the women of the panel on balance.  When asked to visit the governor's wife, her husband complied and brought her along.  They entered and the governor's wife came downstairs, marched up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and asked, "Do you truly believe a woman's place is in the home?" to which he promptly replied, "Yes.  But so is a man's."

So the simple answer to the above question is: Set your priorities. There is no one correct decision for everyone.  Every individual, marriage, and family is different.  Be flexible when it comes to your dreams.  Don't believe that once you make a decision, you can never change it.  Don't let roadblocks prevent you from following your dreams WHATEVER they might be. And don't ever judge or criticize another woman's choice when it comes to work, family, and the home.

And love yourself. Love your family.  Love God.  It will all work out. :)